With a gesture of mock servility, Tamar held the door open for
Jared and bowed low for him to enter. As he did so, a short plump,
bubbling ball of white haired energy came bustling down the stairs.
“Theron, Theron, good to see you! The chicken soup is still
warm and the coffee is hot. Welcome! Welcome! Haven’t seen
you since I left Deneb II.” Mrs. Levins waddled up to Jared
and placed a loud wet kiss on his cheek. Jared smiled indulgently.
“The chicken soup and coffee would hit the spot, thank you.”
“Good. Tamar? Where did that girl go? Oh, well, you just
come into the kitchen with me.”
Mrs. Levins grabbed Jared’s arm. Jared picked up his small
suitcase and was propelled forward by the dynamic proprietor of
the Hrafnsmal. He readied himself for a delicious, late night
meal.
The next day, Jared made his application to the government people
for his audience with Astreus and settled in at the Hrafsmal for
what he believed would be a long wait. The expected delay became
fact and the days droned into weeks. Jared did a little gambling
at the casino but kept to himself a good deal of the time. He
frequented the science library at the local university if only
to maintain his false identity as a military research officer.
He took most of his meals at the Hrafnsmal because Mrs. Levin’s
cooking was something not to be missed in spite of the discomfort
caused by Tamar’s presence. Tamar and Jarad said very little to each
other. Jared started out by trying to say ‘hello’
and maintain at least the outward appearance of civility. But
Tamar would have none of that. She would not acknowledge his daily
greeting and glared at him with murderous intensity. Jared could
not fathom why her presence bothered him so much although she certainly
went out of her way to antagonize him. Whenever, Tamar was entertaining
a ‘guest’, who was inevitably a member of one of the
galaxy-wide aristocratic families now out of work thanks to the
Gorgons, Tamar would go out of her way in Jared’s presence
to drape herself all over her customer, often licking his ear
and loudly ‘whispering’ words that would have driven
anyone but Jared Colfax completely mad. He began to wonder if
Kushanah’s fame rested less on its legendary, oracular unicorn
and more upon the incredible talents of Tamar. Considering the
quality of her guest list, she was rapidly becoming the premier
courtesan in the twelfth quadrant.
Jared spent more time than he deemed respectable trying to block
out the details of their past relationship, sexual and otherwise.
These memories of his past served only to make him gloomy and sullen.
He began to wonder how he had become what he had become. Certainly,
he had a less than ideal emotional constitution for the secret role
he played so well. A flawed god, was scorned by all, deity beings
and humans alike. “But what did they expect?” He mused.
“That is the true nature of reality on planes far beyond that
of mere flesh and blood. Fantasy reigns supreme, doesn’t it?
The only deity universally loved.”
Then the nightmares started, which for the Chief Assassin, a man
who had never remembered his dreams before, were truly frightening.
Nameless, indescribable monsters, corpses and wars swirled across
a blackened landscape punctuated by volcanic fires. Through it
all floated the blood stained face of a woman he could not identify.
For the first time in his life, Jared was experiencing an enemy
he could not kill as the demons from within his soul erupted.
For the first time in his life, Jared Colfax felt fear and cursed
the great power that he carried and used.
Finally the date for his audience with Astreus arrived.
One wet, soggy, summer morning during the second thunderstorm
after breakfast, a faint knock was heard on the Hrafnsmal’s
front door. Jared was alone in the sitting room and got up to
answer. He opened the door and a skinny ten year old boy with
a dripping nose thrust an envelope at Jared. Jared took it and
the boy ran off without a word. He tore open the envelope, although
he knew most of the message without reading it. To his surprise,
the audience with Astreus would be the next day at noon. He hoped
the rain would stop before then.
The next day was brilliantly sunny and cool, without a cloud in
the cobalt blue sky. No breeze blew as Jared cantered through
the Gyges Wood on his rented black stallion.
“Odd,” he thought. “How still the birds and
insects are. Not a sound to be heard.”
He slowed to a trot as he entered the meadow and noticed Astreus
and Oriana on a slight knoll in the middle of an enormous bed
of daisies. They were obviously watching him, Oriana expressionless
and Astreus as usual inscrutable.
Jared came to a stop, several feet to the northwest of the knoll.
Not a breeze stirred, not a sound could be heard. He felt his
knees turn to water, ice filled his heart and he closed his eyes
when the dizziness washed over him. A moment passed, his head
cleared and then nausea gripped his stomach.
“This is it,” thought Jared. “The end of my
journeys, the end of my life. Retching and afraid. But who would
have imagined it would be like this?” He chuckled audibly.
“I’d much prefer dying in combat with a valiant and
courageous enemy. Well, the choice is not mine.”
“Hello, Oriana.” Jared was pleased at the self control
in his voice and noticed that his stomach had settled down.
She didn’t answer. I’ve felt more emotion these past
few weeks then in all my previous life. 'I don’t like it,
and don’t understand it. I can’t control it and I’m
afraid for the first time.' His thoughts and feelings raced
on, uncontrollably.
“She loves you completely with all her heart. Tamar has
a good, magnificent heart, filled with bottomless reserves of
compassion and sensitivity. Stop this wandering and killing, Jared.
Stop, I beg you before you kill yourself and all of us around
you. Take Tamar and go live peacefully in some isolated backwater
of the galaxy. Or out of the galaxy, if you prefer. I can find
a planet for the two of you where no one could ever trace you
. You’ll be safe with a woman who loves you deeply. Please!”
Oriana’s words burst in upon Jared’s brain like pure,
blinding, white lightening. They seared him, overwhelmed his being
and he stumbled, then straightened up.
Oriana turned her scarred, beautiful face with the sightless violet
eyes toward Jared. Her body remained frozen, motionless. She was
sad, infinitely sad.
“My God, I still love her, this immortal, disfigured, blind
and gorgeous creature.” The Empire’s Chief Assassin
whispered to himself.
“It’s
a little late now for all that, Oriana. I don’t love Tamar
and in any case she hates me now. How ...er ... are you?”
“I'm fine, you flinty hearted bastard!” Oriana’s
voice changed instantly from a languid, melodious ripple to the
harshness of a metallic thimbara. “You don’t understand
at all, do you?”
“Oriana, I ... I ... I’m sorry.” Jared’s
voice had fallen to a barely audible murmur.
Silence reigned and the air seemed oppressive, leaden and wet.
“What has passed between us is ancient history. You are
going to kill us all, Jared-Theron. Can’t you stop? Don’t
you care about anyone?”
“You don’t understand!” Jared surprisingly,
even to himself, nearly bellowed. “I’m one of the
few that can face Evil and has a chance. Do you think I enjoy
it, that I do this for sadistic pleasure or ego building? What
kind of idiot are you? I’m compelled, I’m programmed
and in spite of that I take pride in what I do, all the pain and
misery acknowledged. Have you any idea, what would happen to life
for all sentient beings if my kind just gave up and settled down
to some ordinary life? I’d be much happier tending bar right
here in Akabar or teaching in some backwater private school. And
frankly what I’ve done to Tamar bothers me deeply. But I
won’t change and I can’t - you know that. Indeed I’ve
no wish to! I’ve a mission and I perform it well. Misunderstanding
comes with the territory".
"But you, you Oriana of all should understand!! You’ve
stood shoulder to shoulder with me in the fire! You’ve seen
it all and you know what does happen and what can happen. How
can you berate me! I’m alone now because of you, not Tamar.
And if I break, then what my beauty? Tell me, then what happens?
What kind of childish escape are you taking? Are you, of all beings
in the universe, afraid?” Jared’s voice had now descended
to a whisper.
They stared at one another, one seeing and greatly pained by his
vision, the other blind but very aware, perhaps too aware. Astreus
munched contentedly on a daisy, seemingly oblivious to the confrontation
before her.
“Astreus, I have a question for you.” Jared roused
himself.
Astreus turned her magnificent head towards Jared, the daisy drooping
from her mouth. Her horn glistened in the bright sun with an almost
metallic sheen. Her eyes were bottomless, unbearably intense and
unfathomable.
“What do the Gorgons want with us? Why are we treated so
benignly, with such consideration? Are we to be the sacrificial
lamb in some future war to be fought in this quadrant?”
“I will not answer, you Chief Assassin. The Gorgons themselves
may not know, strange as that may sound. You are a complex man,
Jared Colfax, filled with great passions and great hate. You have
done great evil even in the service of Good. Would that even a
little guilt resided in that heart of yours but at least you are
tormented as you should be. You have hurt someone I love deeply
and for that reason, I will not answer your question. Your capacity
to influence history has ended.”
Astreus’s words pierced Jared’s mind with electrifying
intensity. He could not tell if they had been spoken out loud
or delivered telepathically.
"This time, Astreus you are wrong
about me. I shape the time slip of history as long as I live,
whether I will that or not. Whether you like that or not!”
Jared roared.
“But, you will not any longer.” Atreus’s words
sounded as if spoken by a very wise child. The daisy still drooped
from her mouth. Oriana doodled in the dirt with her sandals.
Jared
stared at them for an eternal moment then wheeled his horse about
and galloped away through the Gyges Wood. He never looked back.
Oriana never looked up.
Jared
Colfax has never been seen since that particular day of prophecy.
He never returned to the Hrafsnmal and there is no record of him
leaving Kushanah, although a man of his talents could easily have
done so undetected. Speculation as to his fate continues to this
day. Some say the legendary rubidium miner Father Adler, who still
prospects the backwater regions of the galaxy with a small bag of
earth tied around his neck, is really Jared Colfax. But that would
make him as old as a Dacian!
Mrs. Levins is still the proprietor of the Hrafsnmal. She hasn't changed in appearance but is said to be depressed, withdrawn and rarely jokes or smiles. Her famous cooking is not what it used to be.
Astreus and Oriana are still on Kushanah, more famous than ever, dispensing wisdom, terror and ambiguity in approximately equal doses.
Shortly after Jared's disappearance, Tamar was found dead in an alley near the Akabah waterfront with her throat slashed. Some say it was suicide, some say she was murdered in fit of jealous by a client who wanted to marry her. We will never know
for certain, will we?
BB 02.10.94; Freeport, Bahamas
